Anxiety. Pray.

There is a lot on my mind tonight.


Rachel is gone for about five days, which gives me a little time to myself. It came at a really good time. I miss having her around, but this way I can gain some focus...hopefully.  I've been battling a lot of anxiety and worry for two or three weeks now. Every night I have bad dreams of going home. The scenario is always different. Sometimes I go home early and realize I didn't get to say good-bye to anyone. Other times I go home and no one notices I'm even there. I don't understand why I have these dreams so often. I keep praying that God will take them away. I'm not sure what they mean, or if they even mean anything. My dreams often affect my mood and can change the course of my thoughts. I've been thinking a lot lately about going home and what it will be like. I fear that if I don't get focused on the present soon, time will fly and I will look back in regret at all the things I did and should have done. I only have three months left, which seems like only a couple weeks. (I feel anxiety even as I type all this) I really need to get my head back in the game. I have so much I still want to do and be a part of. I want to continue to invest in Esther's life and share with those God has put in my life here. I pray that these five days help bring me back to where I need to be.

I go to meet that family with the 13 children again tomorrow. (I think I had said in early posts that she had 14. Oops.) Violeta, the lady that knows them, is going to go with me and talk with them about me coming over once a week. I really desire to help this family with whatever needs they have (which is a lot). I might help some of the kids with their homework, read stories to them, help the mom cook, etc. I hope it all works out tomorrow and they gladly receive me.


If you think of it, please pray for our team. Pray for unity, good communication, peace, and mercy. Especially pray for Rachel, who is also facing forms of anxiety.